Of friends and ale
by cagedphoenix
Summary: Merry and Pippin spike everybody's drink and mayhem ensues!!! COMPLETED!!!. please review. reviewreviewreviewreviewreview.and it makes me happy and the chappies longer.:).
1. of hobbits and hiccups

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the lord of the rings characters, places, or inanimate objects. Oh yeah, I don't own any of the songs in here either. I just ridicule them.( Ch. 1 Of Elves and Humans "Ninety-nine (hiccup) bottles of (hiccup) ale on the wall, (hiccup) ninety- nine bottles to (hiccup) drink, - hey (hiccup) ar(hiccup)wen, what's the (hiccup) rest of the (hiccup) song?"  
  
"No (hic) idea (hic). Why (hic) don't you ask (hic) Pippin (hic) when you (hic) see him (hic)?"  
  
"(hiccup) Fine (hiccup)."  
  
"Oh (hic) the (hic) floor (hic) is spi(hic)nning (hic)."  
  
Outside the door, Pippin listened as he tried to stifle his laughter.  
  
"Hey Merry!" he called. "Did you put some in the men's, too?"  
  
"Yes, Pippin. I put an extra amount in Legolas's. I've never seen him drunk before." Merry whispered as he put his ear to the door. "Come on. Let's go check up on the boys."  
  
And the two hobbits scampered off to see what the boys would do. 


	2. of men and elves

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or anything to do with it. I'm just obsessed with it.  
  
Ch. 2. Of Elves and Men "LookyLeggy, my hairbows are blue!"shouted an either very disturbed or very drunk dwarf.  
  
"Oooh, 'Gorny, I have big feet."-this from the Prince of Gondor. Legolas and Aragorn were the only ones who hadn't said anything audible in the last few hours. This was, however, probably due to the fact that Aragorn had passed out on the floor and Legolas was examining his bow with awe.  
  
"Ooooh, pretty bow. And it shoots arrows, too!!!!! Merry had a little lamb! My hair is white as snow! And everywhere that Pippin went! That dude is reallly short!! And the green grass grows.somewhere!!!!" he mumbled under his breath.  
  
Merry and Pippin sat (rolled around, actually) on the floor outside, holding their ribs from so much laughing.  
  
"Merry,"Pippin said as he wiped his eye, "did you see Gimli? He's got Eowyn's bows tied around his braid! And Eowyn was singing the 99 bottle of ales song!"  
  
"Come on, Pip, let's go see the girls again."  
  
Sorry my chappies are so short. Please review. Pleasy, pleasy, pleasy with and extra please on top. It only takes like two minutes... 


	3. of closets and catwalks

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings. If I did, I'd have money, and you would see my brain-childs in Barnes and Noble. And, much as I wish I did, I do not own Legolas, Frodo, Pippin, or any of the other characters associated with it.  
  
Italics are flashbacks.  
  
Ch. 3. Of Closets and Catwalks.  
  
Merry and Pippin are running to the wine cellars in the Hall of Telcomtar. Legolas stops them on their way over there and bombards them with a lecture describing how they look when they get drunk. Two hours later, after settling back with a keg of ale, they start wondering whether they really look like that when they're drunk.  
  
"Merry, do elves get drunk?"  
  
"I don't know. I've never seen Leggo or Arwen drunk."  
  
"They don't drink."  
  
"I wonder what they'd do if they ever "accidentally" had some?"  
  
"I'm sure I don't know, Pip."  
  
"Want to find out?"  
  
"How much?"  
  
"Two rounds of ale against that much money."  
  
"Deal."  
  
"Yeah, I do my little thing on the catwalk. Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah, I strut my little-ARGH!!!" screamed Legolas as he fell off the table he had been dancing on with Arwen and his bow..  
  
Merry and Pippin gazed in glee at the scene around them. Eowyn, after forgetting how to count, had come over and was passed out by Aragorn. Faramir had accidentally gotten stuck in a closet after looking for shoes and forgetting how to open the door again. Gimli had borrowed one of Arwen's mirrors and was doing his hair under the table. Frodo, previously unnoticed by all, was now yelling the Oliphaunt poem at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Where's Enemienrada? Where is she? Where is milady?" Legolas had stopped dancing and was wandering around the room, asking everyone the same questions. Or he was until Faramir yelled out "Group hug!" and tried to enforce it.  
  
"Let's get out of here, Merry, this is just too weird."  
  
And the two hobbits left quietly, knowing that when their friends sobered up, asking questions and giving hugs would be the last things on their minds. 


	4. Of Rodents and Men

Disclaimer:I don't own lotr. Yadayadayada.  
  
Ch.4 Of Rodents and Men  
  
"Oy-Legolas, have you heard the one about the dwarf, the elf, and the man that go into the pub? You see, the man goes in, and he orders a drink, but the-thank you, Pippin, Well, as I was saying, the man orders a drink, when he." Pippin rolled his eyes at the man who's plate he was removing. If he heard one more "thank you, Pippin", he was going to kill someone. Seriously. At first, when he heard what the Lord Aragorn wanted him to do, he and Merry had been shocked, surprised, and infuriated. To have to stay in within several feet of delicious food all day, able to smell it, see it, touch it, but never taste it, was pure torture for a normal hobbit. But then, he reasoned, because they were still technically in the army, spiking their king's punch could have been construed as an attempt to kill him.but no matter. The had it coming for them. He looked across the room and looked at Merry, watching him supress his laughter. "And then the dwarf says-"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Arwen! Arwen, what's the matter?" yelled Aragorn as he rose from his place at the table, across from Arwen." "Squirrel . . . in my honeycake!" What followed next cannot be cescribed in words. "Aragorn, your sword!"  
  
"Faramir, no! It's only a little squirrel! Don't hurt it! Put your swords awaay!!!" "Eowyn, stay back." "Legolas, what are you doing! Put that arrow down! Now! " "Arwen, let go of my arm!" "I will when you let the squirrel go!" "I'm your husband and a ranger! I know about these things!"  
  
"And I'm 2,800 years older than you!" "SAVE THE SQUIRRELS!!!" "Eowyn! Let me get at him!" By the time Arwen managed to prop open a window and Eowyn managed to throw the squirrel out, the table was overturned, the curtains were ripped down, two of the chairs were broken, most of the breakfast was on . . . most of everybody's clothes, and the honeycakes were stuck in Legolas's hair. Oh yeah, and Merry and Pippin were nowhere to be seen. 


	5. Of Goodbyes andGoodbyes

Disclaimer: I don't own them. You know that. On with the story.  
  
Ch. 5 Of Goodbyes and. . . Goodbyes.  
  
"Well, Goodbye, young hobbits. I won't miss you. Have fun in the shire. Oh, and, throw yourselves down a well while you're at it."  
  
"Kill some orcs for us on the way home, young lads!"  
  
"Yes, and be sure to collect their hair accessories, as Gimli will need them ere the day breaks."  
  
"Grr."  
  
"Agh! Get the dwarf off me! Aragoarn! Get the dwarf off me!" Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, and everybody else just laughed as Gimli wrestled Legolas to the ground.  
  
"Well, Merry, it's time to go."  
  
"So it is. Fareewell then, everybody."  
  
"Until we meet again, my friends." Aragorn came up to them as they mounted.  
  
"So long then!"  
  
"So, do you think that they're still mad at us ?" Pippin asked once they were out of Gondor.  
  
"No, but he will be once the ysees the "gift" we left them in their beds."  
  
Two leagues away, a similar conversation ensued between Legolas and Aragorn.  
  
"Well, Strider, do you think they're still mad at us for what we made them do?"  
  
"No, but they will be once they see the "gift" we left them in their bedroll."  
  
And the two friends strolled off into the night. 


End file.
